40 Days

It's been so long since. 

The pain of loving someone else makes it easier to walk away.

I can see myself swaying to the beats of the heart, as and when it wishes.

My gut feel isn't strong. 

I need to build it back up.

Over the past few days, C showed me love.

Love that I an incapable of knowing.

C showed me so much love, care and sacrifice

It's impossible that anyone can supersede that.

I failed to realise how wonderful of a partner C is.

I regret.

I regret...

Dear God,

It has been so long since we last saw each other. The more days that pass, the more I think of the things I could have done for you.  I do wish so many times on so many occasions that I wish you were here with me, by my side. 

I live in regret now, for the words that i said, for the actions that I did, and the feelings that I felt. I am so mad at myself. I feel like I hate myself more than ever. I don't know if I will make it through to the end of this month. 

I am not angry with you. Neither do I resent you.

I remember out late night ice-cream conversations, and on my worst days, it hits me at the most random times, like when I see a Magnum, or hear one of your favorite songs. I remember everything you said, how I felt, and I cannot help but be mad at myself for pushing you away.

I miss you so much more than I ever realized. 

The Lady Who Didn't Live Another Day

She loved to laugh. She was fun to be around, but she knew when to be serious.
You could count on her. She was usually early and always prepared for what needed to be done.
She was smart.
She enjoyed books, but struggled with finding enough time to read them.
She loved children.
She did not indulge in shallow relationships; therefore, her circle of friends was small, but close.
She was beautiful.
Her heart was big – some might say too big – because things bothered her, but they were the sorts of things that ought to bother a person, like injustice, over-consumption, or violence against the meek.
She was strong.
She will be missed, whoever she was.