40 Days

It's been so long since. 

The pain of loving someone else makes it easier to walk away.

I can see myself swaying to the beats of the heart, as and when it wishes.

My gut feel isn't strong. 

I need to build it back up.

Over the past few days, C showed me love.

Love that I an incapable of knowing.

C showed me so much love, care and sacrifice

It's impossible that anyone can supersede that.

I failed to realise how wonderful of a partner C is.

I regret.

I regret...

Dear God,

It has been so long since we last saw each other. The more days that pass, the more I think of the things I could have done for you.  I do wish so many times on so many occasions that I wish you were here with me, by my side. 

I live in regret now, for the words that i said, for the actions that I did, and the feelings that I felt. I am so mad at myself. I feel like I hate myself more than ever. I don't know if I will make it through to the end of this month. 

I am not angry with you. Neither do I resent you.

I remember out late night ice-cream conversations, and on my worst days, it hits me at the most random times, like when I see a Magnum, or hear one of your favorite songs. I remember everything you said, how I felt, and I cannot help but be mad at myself for pushing you away.

I miss you so much more than I ever realized. 

The Lady Who Didn't Live Another Day

She loved to laugh. She was fun to be around, but she knew when to be serious.
You could count on her. She was usually early and always prepared for what needed to be done.
She was smart.
She enjoyed books, but struggled with finding enough time to read them.
She loved children.
She did not indulge in shallow relationships; therefore, her circle of friends was small, but close.
She was beautiful.
Her heart was big – some might say too big – because things bothered her, but they were the sorts of things that ought to bother a person, like injustice, over-consumption, or violence against the meek.
She was strong.
She will be missed, whoever she was.

Ever been emotionally/mentally abused? Read this.

What about abuse? You may not think that you suffered any mental or emotional abuse unless it was blatantly obvious. It’s unimaginable until it’s put into context for you. Have you personally been told any of these before by an authority figure?

“You’re upset about that? Seriously?”

“Stop crying.”

“How could you make that mistake?”

“Deal with it.”

“There’s nothing to be afraid of. Don’t be a baby.”

“What are you, stupid?”

Those are the statements of pervasive bullying. They’re also common phrases used on children by what society would consider to be “typical, healthy parents.” They’re also mild forms of mental and emotional abuse.

These statements (and others like them), spoken by authority figures on a regular basis, cause deep and lasting psychological damage. And these are light compared to what most people experience. If this was the extent of the hurt you suffered, you have a massive head start.

Source: http://rebootedbody.com/health-fitness-dead/

Midnight Scare

Woke up at 140am with a sharp pain on my lower right abdomen area. I felt my whole area being pulled apart and being stabbed with. At that point, I couldn't even stand up straight. I was crouched over to the right like a spineless zombie.

I got out of bed towards the sofa and just laid down. Knees to my chest. Head in my hands. I felt cold. Tried to distract myself from the pain. Immediately informed my clients of the day that I am not well and apologized for it.

Really glad and thank goodness for S who was online. Chatted with her for a bit and she was ready to take me to the hospital immediately. But after an hour, I realised the pain had subsided and I could somewhat bear the pain. Occasionally, there was some pain at the lower back area too.

There was no more sharp pain, but an uncomfortable nagging sour pain on the right side just next to the hip bone. I stayed on the couch til 4am and finally retreated back to bed. Till 7am I was tossing and turning with that pain still nagging me.

Texted Dr Sanjay and booked 9am. Went to see him. Did the regular abdominal check etc and blood check for fear of kidney stones. I haven't been diligent in drinking enough water recently and perhaps that could be a reason of the pain. But I was more worried about having appendicitis and having to undergo keyhole surgery. That would take my training time away.

So after the check and all, I was given muscle relaxants as Dr said it was tense/tight muscles acting up.

I went back and rested.

3 things I thought about when I was lying on the sofa in pain:
1) Nothing matters at that point - not even my sessions, what my boss thinks, or whether I'll hit my target.
2) If I die today, I wish my parents and partner will be able to accept this.
3) I just want to know what is the cause of this!!!

Have you ever seen a kidney stone? Here is what it looks like:

Now that I am back home, with egg tarts for my loved ones, I need some rest. 

Mental and physical rest.

Cheer YOUR TEAM

Hope Solo doing tire flips. 

Taiping International Marathon 2012

Congrats to my mom and dad for completing their events at the Taiping International Marathon 2012!

Mom ran the 10km and Dad ran the Half Marathon (22.3km)!

They are so amazing. 60 years old and still running strong! 

Love them to bits!

2012 Squash Australian Open

Nicol Ann David

Champion for the 2nd time!